Leading a health-seeking lifestyle is all about cultivating behaviours and beliefs that prioritise your health over more hedonistic tendencies that favour instant gratification or other health-compromising activities.

That’s not to say you have to live the life of a saint and never do anything fun, exciting, or even dangerous! But being fit and healthy is rooted in the beliefs you hold about yourself and your lifestyle as a whole. The occasional slice of cake or late night isn’t going to instantly make you unhealthy, but if you eat cake every day and never get a good night’s sleep, you will almost certainly be less healthy than someone who sleeps eight hours most nights and sees cake as an occasional indulgence rather than a necessity.

Therefore, in order to become that healthier person, you have to create the habits that build that version of you—just as building a sturdy house requires digging proper footings, laying a strong foundation, and using high-quality materials.

The trouble is, change is very hard, and it requires a lot more than discipline alone. The unconscious beliefs we hold about ourselves—often formed in childhood and influenced by parents, teachers, and our environment—play a huge role in shaping our self-image. A person who, deep down, doesn’t believe they are worthy of change will resist it as though it threatens their very existence. Even if you appear outwardly confident, the voices buried deep in your mind may be feeding you a very different narrative from the one you present to the world.

So let’s look at that in a little more detail:

1. Self-image and behaviour congruence

People tend to act in ways that are congruent with their self-image. If someone internally identifies as “lazy,” “undisciplined,” or “not athletic”—even unconsciously—then engaging in consistent healthy habits like regular exercise or meal prep can feel inauthentic or even pointless. This idea is supported by research in identity-based motivation theory (Oyserman, 2009), which shows that when health behaviours feel disconnected from a person’s identity, they are less likely to be maintained.

2. Inner monologue and cognitive distortion

The inner monologue—how someone speaks to themselves internally—often reflects cognitive distortions (such as all-or-nothing thinking, catastrophising, or overgeneralisation). A person might think, “I’ve already skipped a workout, so I’m failing anyway—why bother?” or “Healthy people don’t struggle like this, so maybe I’m just not cut out for it.” These distortions are central to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which links patterns of negative self-talk to self-defeating behaviours (Beck, 1979). The inner critic can be a powerful voice, even if you think you’re not listening.

3. Shame and avoidance

When someone has a negative or conflicted self-image—especially one rooted in shame or past failures—health behaviours can feel emotionally threatening. As Brené Brown and others have noted, shame thrives in silence and often leads to avoidance. The logic becomes: “If I try and fail again, it will only prove how broken I am,” so it feels safer not to try at all. This is also why some people can be very knowledgeable about what to do but still struggle to take action.

4. Learned helplessness and low self-efficacy

If a person has repeatedly attempted to change in the past and failed, they may internalise the idea that “change isn’t possible for me”—a concept closely linked to learned helplessness (Seligman, 1975) and low self-efficacy (Bandura, 1997). Self-efficacy—the belief in one's ability to succeed—is a crucial predictor of habit formation. Without it, motivation remains shallow and unsustainable.
It’s a bit like how working-class people sometimes vote for political parties that consistently funnel money away from the public and into the offshore accounts of the ultra-wealthy. They’ve come to believe that this is simply how the world works, and that they cannot—or should not—try to change it.

5. Compassion and identity shifts

Conversely, positive habit change is more likely when a person’s inner dialogue shifts towards self-compassion and future-oriented identity building. Research by Dr Kristin Neff (2003) has shown that self-compassion is more predictive of sustainable health behaviours than self-discipline alone—especially when facing setbacks. When people begin to identify as someone who values their wellbeing, rather than someone trying to “fix” themselves, their behaviours often begin to align accordingly.

Changing the narrative

Now that we have identified some of the issues preventing you from creating more positive changes to develop a more health-seeking lifestyle and attitude, here are some tips on overcoming them.

1. Self-image and behaviour congruence

Barrier: “I’m not the kind of person who exercises/eats well.”
Practical advice:

• Act ‘as if’ you already are that person. Start small: go for a walk, prep a healthy lunch, or attend a personal training session. Even a small action consistent with the identity you want to build helps shift self-perception.
• Use identity-based affirmations like: “I am someone who takes care of my body,” or “I show up for myself.” Repetition builds reinforcement.
• Track wins in a journal or notes app—e.g., “Worked out today,” “Chose a healthy meal.” Seeing these written down helps confirm to your brain: this is who I am now.

2. Inner monologue and cognitive distortion

Barrier: Negative self-talk like “I’ve failed already, so what’s the point?”
Practical advice:

• Challenge distortions with facts. If you missed one workout, that doesn’t mean you’re a failure—it means you’re human. Ask: What would I say to a friend in this situation?
• Reframe slip-ups as data. Instead of “I messed up,” try “I learned X about my patterns—next time I’ll plan better.”
• Use ‘yet’ language: “I can’t run 5k... yet.” This keeps your mindset open rather than fixed.

3. Shame and avoidance

Barrier: Feeling like past failures define you.
Practical advice:

• Normalise struggle. Everyone has fallen off the wagon—what matters is getting back on. Following health professionals or influencers who are honest about their setbacks can reduce shame.
• Talk to someone. Whether it’s a coach, therapist, or supportive friend, shame loses power when it’s spoken aloud.
• Celebrate effort, not just outcomes. Post a “showed up” photo, tick off a habit tracker, or write a private reflection, communicate with a coach or accountability buddy. Give yourself credit for trying.

4. Learned helplessness and low self-efficacy

Barrier: Believing you can’t change because you’ve failed before.
Practical advice:

• Shrink the goal. Instead of “lose 10kg,” start with “go for a 10-minute walk every day this week.” Success builds confidence.
• Stack wins intentionally. Set up easy victories early in the day: make your bed, drink water, stretch. Small wins create momentum.
• Use the phrase: “This time is different because…” Fill in the blank to remind yourself of how your mindset, tools, or support systems have evolved.

5. Compassion and identity shifts

Barrier: Trying to change from a place of self-criticism or punishment—remind yourself that what you prioritise now, affects your future-self one way or the other.
Practical advice:

• Speak to yourself like someone you love. Literally say: “It’s okay, we’re learning,” or “I’m proud of you for trying.”
• Focus on long-term values, not short-term fixes. Write down why health matters to you—e.g., “I want to have energy to play with my kids” or “I want to feel confident in my own skin.”
• Practice flexible consistency. If you can’t do a full workout, do five minutes. If you eat something indulgent, enjoy it and move on. Health is a pattern, not a performance.

Final Word

Yes, a person’s struggle to change health habits—despite their desire to do so—can stem from a self-image that says, “I’m not worthy of the change” or “It’s not like me to succeed.” Their inner monologue may reinforce shame, fear of failure, and learned helplessness—all of which erode motivation and consistency. Sustainable change often begins with reshaping identity, cultivating self-compassion, and reframing internal narratives—not just setting external goals.

The building blocks of a health-seeking lifestyle are simple:

1. Aim for 7+ hours of quality sleep, ideally at the same time each night (as often as possible). Create a wind-down routine that prepares you for rest, and stop believing that you’re missing out on something by going to bed at a sensible time.
2. Create a consistent exercise habit. Start small and build on it over time. Aim for at least an hour of movement each day and, ideally, 2–3 strength training sessions per week. Remind yourself of the long-term benefits of becoming a stronger, more mobile version of yourself.
3. Eat mostly nutrient-dense whole foods. Most of your meals should be high in protein and vegetables. Learn to cook a handful of simple yet tasty meals, and always prepare more than you need so you can reheat leftovers to save time the following day.
4. Develop robust stress management strategies and cultivate a more positive self-image. Be kind to yourself, learn to appreciate the person in the mirror, and improve your ability to plan ahead and prioritise your wellbeing.
5. Allow yourself flexibility and compassion. You don’t have to be 100% on it, 100% of the time. It’s okay to enjoy indulgent foods occasionally or to take rest days. The more restrictive your approach, the less likely you are to stick with it.

Is it time you started taking your health and fitness a bit more seriously? Drop me a line about personal training in Hitchin or click here to find some of my online services. 

Coach Troy

References:

• Oyserman, D. (2009). Identity-based motivation: Implications for action-readiness, procedural-readiness, and consumer behaviour. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 19(3), 250–260. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcps.2009.05.008
• Beck, A. T. (1979). Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders. Penguin.
• Brown, B. (2012). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Gotham Books.
• Seligman, M. E. P. (1975). Helplessness: On depression, development, and death. W.H. Freeman.
• Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W.H. Freeman.
• Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032